You can imagine where it goes from here [i]

I played around with the cable on account of laaaaag.

Numbers indicate splitters, previous configuration:
..|- room
..|--------2- cable box
--5- room..|- cable modem
..|- room
..|- room

New configuration:
--2- cable modem...|- room
..|----------------5- cable box
...................|- room
...................|- room
...................|- room

This has fixed my slow internet issue, though one contributing factor may be the new position of the wireless router. Lessons learned:
1. Splitters divide signal even if one connection is open (unlike regular circuits).
2. Cable boxes have an upper bound to the amplitude of signal they can receive, in addition to the obvious lower bound. I discovered this after trying:
--2- cable modem
..|- cable box

In other news, the last Top Gear was pretty brilliant on account of:

• GT-R looking good and doing very well on the test track.
  
• Hammond comparing Max Mosley to various cruel dictators.
• Jeremy's comments about tank slapper and getting 'perilously close to Wales'.

It seems I know some people that are equal parts nefarious, bold, and dumb. Quoted:

• yr [associate] stole me a tiki torch, a pumpkin, and a new year s tiara
• # of illegal actions > # times caught