Speed night at the theater [r]

Fast and Furious (6.3)

• Rides (7): Rides has finally been done right. The featured machines hail from many countries, decades, and backgrounds. Caymans, Camaros, Skylines, new Mustangs, M3s; the list is extensive because no car survives more than a fraction of the film.
  The minor details are important, there aren't any Civics racing rx7s or Jettas racing s2000s. The drug runners use a traditional Hummer where many movies would have opted for the commercial H2 or H3. The cartel kingpin rolls in a 'rambo lambo' escorted by 90s-era Suburbans in lieu of the Escalade or late mode Suburban option.
  But because Toretto and O'Connor go through so many rides in 99 minutes, there's no single car that's meant to capture the affection of the characters and audience. The first movie let us cheer for the Ferrari-beating Supra and salivate over the mythical Charger. This movie treats cars only as a means to an end, which isn't a sentiment shared by an audience that will suffer horrible writing and acting to see some fine steel - CR
  A variety of different style cars. Small ones, big ones, big ones with engine things sticking out of the top, big tires... Oh, a Subbie wrx - word to the Subarus! They picked a cute hatchback version in lieu of the sedan, but they did keep the classic Subbie blue color. I can't complain, a little cuteness goes a long way.
  Lots of recognizable street cars - Honda s2000, Porsche Cayman, black Hummer getaway car, and I believe the fake boss man was driving in a Lincoln limosine. - CS
• Authenticity (3): There wasn't much criteria in the realm of authenticity for this movie - Does nitro-meth exist? Does only one person in LA use it? Would it leave a burn mark for CSI: Vin Diesel to find? The rest of the issues are more a matter of being sensible. The tunnel we can estimate to be a half mile based on the time it take fast and furious drivers to race a quarter mile. This sort of feat can and has been accomplished in human history - though usually near a town and rarely matching the width of a car. What I really revel in is that they escape the heat sensor by recruiting fast cars/drivers. But once in the tunnel... underground, they have to drive enven faster to escape being seen by a helicopter. - JR
  Are you serious? This is a movie! No such thing as authenticity. - CS
  The story and dialog are on par with the FF series and any other speed night movie. The action sequences take quite a few liberties with physics and human cognition, but few bits are visually unauthentic (increased frame rate, poor cg). - CR
• Chicas (7): The producer of the fast and the furiouses has obviously made his living off of flashing half naked girls on the screen, this movie was more of the same - but with a latin twist. Especially nice was that they limited the amount of guys in the background to really - as we say in MBA school - maximize the hotness. The female leads had small parts: Letty dies, Mia has become a shut-in, and Agent Trinh is clearly stuck on O'Connor's friends ladder (only females have a friends ladder). Toretto is still a musclebound hothead who is suddenly finding his softer side. This may make some girls gush, I'm really not sure. This softer side also interferes with our chances of seeing Gisele take her gear off. - JR
  It seems, in the previous FFs, the extras all came from one place: import car shows. This applies equally to the flamboyant Civics and the girls straddling them. With any amount of scrutiny it could be determined that they came from a very unappealing reality. Not so with Fast and Furious, despite a prevailing skank level reaching somewhere in the stratosphere, the eye candy is such even when in focus. -CR
  No comment on the chicas. The tall, skinny villain gal's eye candy came across as anorexic, however, Jordana Brewster brings up the flesh category. The non-femmes are dominated by Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, despite the Dilbert attire. A little less shirt would have been nice, but after all said and done, the initial scenes with Han did bump the non-femmes up a notch. - CS
  
• One Liners (6): '20% angel, 80% devil.' One word about how Vinnie looked when he said that: hot. Oh wait, that belongs in the flesh category... - CS
  'You looked under my hood?' 'Now you owe me a ten second car' 'When the gps calls...' Plenty of one liners, both sensical and not. - JR
  There are a few cute ones, 'Sorry, car.' There are a few that make fun of Paul Walker, 'Still a buster.' 'Buster's a gearhead.' And there are a few that are meant to sound in touch with the street racer scene, 'Meth nitrous is for pussies.' While the movie isn't quotially vacant, it's hard to live up to the quotability of the original. - CR
  
• Action Sequences (7): Cars were crashed, but no more than what the Tokyo Drift kid did single handedly. - JR
  I would give it a ten, but since I didn't get an A and CR did, it gets a 9.5. Full-on balls of fires action with exploding cars and leaky nitrous- what more could the dentist ask? The murder mystery added a good twist and actually gave the movie a story, complemented by some good ol' fashioned beat-him-to-a-pulp action sequences.
  The villain guy, however, could have been a little more villiany. He came across like a smug smurf that forgot to eat his Wheaties. More evil, more tyranny was needed. Even Evil Green Car Driver Guy wasn't as mad as he was supposed to be. Mad Max would beat him in madness any day. However, I must say, the Dukes of Hazzard Vin Diesel revenge style was definitely appropriate.
  Overall, the action was quite throttling and deserves a nice high score. - CS
  
• Star Power (8): They brought back the original crew. Apparently the first movie had more star power than initially assessed, as Vin Diesel definitely made the movie. It would not have been the same without him. Paul Walker definitely added star power, but he would have taken the limelight had he not worn a Dilbert suit 50% of the time. - CS
  One of the main draws of Fast and Furious is that it reunites the core of the original cast. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, and Michelle Rodriguez haven't risen to glorious Hollywood stardom in the last eight years, but their careers haven't languished either. It's great to see a cameo by Han, the most amiable character in the series. Walker is only distractingly bad on occasion and the female leads do a good job of portraying unsympathetic characters. I glanced at a review beforehand, it spoke disparagingly of Diesel's acting, claiming he comes across as tired and effortless. I actually saw this as understandable anguish that peaks at an excellent scene that is pointlessly destroyed by O'Connor's spontaneous make up sex with Mia. - CR

7+
The Fast and the Furious (7.7): Genre-defining, quotable, unreal
Gumball Rally (7.5): Still relevant
Initial D (7.1): Cult, riveting, but give us some shine
Thunderbolt (7.0): Over the top for better and worse
6+
Days of Thunder (6.7): Pretty good but not very pretty
Fast and Furious (6.3): New model, original problems
Ronin (6.3): Left in the briefcase: girls, rides, one-liners
Mad Max (6.2): Brutal action, no frills
Truth in 24 (6.2): Good, but too much truth for speed night
5+
Redline (5.7): Fantastic if watched in a foreign language
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (5.6): Sexy, but unfulfilling
2 Fast 2 Furious (5.3): 2 flimsy
4+
Driven (4.9): Succeeds in everything unrelated to cars
Death Race 2000 (4.0): If only they were just racing across town
3+
Movin' Too Fast (3.3): Well, it has cars

Preparing for the future [h]

There've been a few great quotables of late. I'm publishing these mostly for nostalgia's sake, but if you're real bored at work, read on. First, a discussion with my postdoctoral associate about the best course of action when the zombiepocalypse comes:
C:
Link [Ed: Humorous zombie survival guide from Wired how-to wiki].

PA: Shipping container? As shown in that Will Smith movie, zombies learned how to use tools and simple associative learning (low level brain function). Living in a container would be akin to being a tin of potted meat. The authors of the article would be the first to be eaten. To survive, you either live on a large ship, an island like Hawaii (UK has the Chunnel to mainland Europe - very bad) or oil platform. You would also need lots of guns and napalms like the ones in Aliens. Also, play RE.

C:
Pretty nuts the statistic that police have a less than 25% hit rate within three feet. Makes Rambo movies significantly more plausible.

I think the shipping container is based on the premise that you're coexisting with photophobic zombies, so you just need to hunker down at night. I'd be hard pressed to open one of those things if it were locked from the inside (which would require a hack for obvious reasons), zombies would need some serious tools to break in within one night.

The ship's not a bad idea, some of the denizens of Fallout live on a docked aircraft carrier and it's pretty effective. Has zombie effectiveness in the water been demonstrated anywhere? Hawaii is big and populous enough that any contamination would easily survive. Remember the 28 Days Later virus didn't start in the UK, it came over on a plane.

And consider the possibility of zombie birds. It just takes one peck, and they can spot and reach you from far away.

I'm going to say a remote location that cannot sustain itself - like an oil platform - will suffer the fate they mention where you go to the grocery store, are not on your game, and die. If you're lucky you can get freshwater from rain and grow your own food, but this is not an option for non-vegetarians who dislike fish.

How about Montana? First, it's often cold which, as discussed, severely affects zombie metabolism. Second, it's got a statewide population of 12. You just have to split a few wigs and you're in relative safety, assuming zombies don't make road trips. And though you'll always have to be on your guard, it's not much worse than living in LA or New York.

Montana is large and flat, there are no sewers to hide from the sun or plan a subterranean assault. Life is good when you can pick off the undead with a psg at 2,000 yards (and miss a few times), instead of duking it out with a chainsaw and hoping their blood doesn't mix with yours. Also there's a grip of self-sustaining land up there with roaming animals that will be uninfected if you do your job.

Napalm booby traps, lights, motion sensors, you'll have plenty of time to set it up and everything works on x10!!!

PA: I did not consider birds as a biological vector. If this is a factor, then no island or boat is safe. On a boat the radar operator would tell you if there was a flock of birds in the area. A single bird would not appear on the screen. I think cold is a pretty good deterrent. I don't care if the muscle cell is dead or alive, the effects of extreme cold temperatures would mechanically limit motility. Plus, there are no birds in cold places. I guess you could live in Iceland, Greenland or dock your boat in Antartica?

C:
Plus you're on a boat so there's always going to be a flock of birds in the area. Especially after the outbreak when there'll be lots of decomposing corpses for them to pick at.

The only problem with cold is that it's cold. Brrrr. One could definitely go for severe cold, but it's a tradeoff between zombie deterrance and providing for your own survival. You wouldn't last long in Antarctica, though it'd be a great place to find non-infected if you like scientists (I do not).

And from a recent Mazda 3 purchaser:
Freezing, foggy, wet, and muddy the whole time. However, my car is
thoroughly broken into now! We were rolling in mud and dirt... I wanted
to spin donut holes but Ryan had to remind me that I wasn't in an
off-road vehicle.'

And regarding the recent Casbah concert featuring Canadian band F*cked Up, two buddies of mine separately decided to attend and invite me. Alas, I was in the darkroom that night:
Concertgoer 1:
When the naked 300 lb Canuck covered himself in honey, I was amused.

When he walked around the audience giving hugs covered in honey/sweat/hair, I thought to myself, "Please God, let it be me."

It was not to be. I was forsaken.

Concertgoer 2:
Yes, but did you happen to see the coup de grace? Pulling his shorts down, revealing his ample and fleshy buttocks, immediately ending my life.

I write this email from beyond the grave. My only advice is Chris, quit being such a photography maniac so you can have ringing ears like me and [CG1], go to the Saturday Coachella show for a second chance at a hug.

CG1:
Ah yes, I am trying to repress the memory of his hairy plump ass. Thanks for ruining my day man.

I am buying tickets for Coachella. Sunday night will induce face melting. I saw MBV played at 132 db in LA. I want to re-live the 30 minutes of 132 db's. It was like staring at the face of God.

Did you buy a mixtape? I bought the old one, I wish I bought the newest one also.

PS. I hate the bald bouncer. He is always harshing on everyone's vibe.

C:
Hah hah hah, clearly I should have blown off class and attended. But I was torn, I had received two concert invitations the same night. What's a girl to do?

CG1:
A simple choice really, there was no other show of note last except the one we attended. Even the opener Miko Mika were great. I am a sucker for props, in this case a telephone microphone.

The city's purveyors of hipness were in full attendence, as evidenced by [CG2] and I making an appearence. The Artfag and Skullcontrol people were also attending.

After much labor I turned in my first and second assignments. The 6x6 was very challenging and rather unfulfilling. Next up: portraits that tell a story. So, like, photojournalistic portraits or something.

Huh? [a]

You find some weird stuff when you read the papers.

Top ten reasons I hate Ty [i]

1. He thinks he's so cool.
   
   
2. Stupid noise music.
3. 
   
4. His stupid face.
   
5. No appendix.
6. His Zen garden doesn't grow anything. Why does he even have a garden? Probably trying to grow things to compensate for his missing anatomy (see 5).
7. Talks to much.
8. He thinks he's better than you.
9. 
   
10. He wants to eat your children.