2009.02.12

Zombies

There've been a few great quotables of late. I'm publishing these mostly for nostalgia's sake, but if you're real bored at work, read on. First, a discussion with my postdoctoral associate about the best course of action when the zombiepocalypse comes:


Chris
Link [Ed: Humorous zombie survival guide from Wired how-to wiki].
Shipping container? As shown in that Will Smith movie, zombies learned how to use tools and simple associative learning (low level brain function). Living in a container would be akin to being a tin of potted meat. The authors of the article would be the first to be eaten. To survive, you either live on a large ship, an island like Hawaii (UK has the Chunnel to mainland Europe - very bad) or oil platform. You would also need lots of guns and napalms like the ones in Aliens. Also, play RE.
KO
Pretty nuts the statistic that police have a less than 25% hit rate within three feet. Makes Rambo movies significantly more plausible.
I think the shipping container is based on the premise that you're coexisting with photophobic zombies, so you just need to hunker down at night. I'd be hard pressed to open one of those things if it were locked from the inside (which would require a hack for obvious reasons), zombies would need some serious tools to break in within one night.
The ship's not a bad idea, some of the denizens of Fallout live on a docked aircraft carrier and it's pretty effective. Has zombie effectiveness in the water been demonstrated anywhere? Hawaii is big and populous enough that any contamination would easily survive. Remember the 28 Days Later virus didn't start in the UK, it came over on a plane.
And consider the possibility of zombie birds. It just takes one peck, and they can spot and reach you from far away.
I'm going to say a remote location that cannot sustain itself - like an oil platform - will suffer the fate they mention where you go to the grocery store, are not on your game, and die. If you're lucky you can get freshwater from rain and grow your own food, but this is not an option for non-vegetarians who dislike fish.
How about Montana? First, it's often cold which, as discussed, severely affects zombie metabolism. Second, it's got a statewide population of 12. You just have to split a few wigs and you're in relative safety, assuming zombies don't make road trips. And though you'll always have to be on your guard, it's not much worse than living in LA or New York.
Montana is large and flat, there are no sewers to hide from the sun or plan a subterranean assault. Life is good when you can pick off the undead with a psg at 2,000 yards (and miss a few times), instead of duking it out with a chainsaw and hoping their blood doesn't mix with yours. Also there's a grip of self-sustaining land up there with roaming animals that will be uninfected if you do your job.
Napalm booby traps, lights, motion sensors, you'll have plenty of time to set it up and everything works on x10!!!
I did not consider birds as a biological vector. If this is a factor, then no island or boat is safe. On a boat the radar operator would tell you if there was a flock of birds in the area. A single bird would not appear on the screen. I think cold is a pretty good deterrent. I don't care if the muscle cell is dead or alive, the effects of extreme cold temperatures would mechanically limit motility. Plus, there are no birds in cold places. I guess you could live in Iceland, Greenland or dock your boat in Antartica?
KO

Chris
Plus you're on a boat so there's always going to be a flock of birds in the area. Especially after the outbreak when there'll be lots of decomposing corpses for them to pick at.
The only problem with cold is that it's cold. Brrrr. One could definitely go for severe cold, but it's a tradeoff between zombie deterrance and providing for your own survival. You wouldn't last long in Antarctica, though it'd be a great place to find non-infected if you like scientists (I do not).

And from a recent Mazda 3 purchaser:

Freezing, foggy, wet, and muddy the whole time. However, my car is thoroughly broken into now! We were rolling in mud and dirt... I wanted to spin donut holes but Ryan had to remind me that I wasn't in an off-road vehicle.'

And regarding the recent Casbah concert featuring Canadian band F*cked Up, two buddies of mine separately decided to attend and invite me. Alas, I was in the darkroom that night:

When the naked 300 lb Canuck covered himself in honey, I was amused.
Anonymous
When he walked around the audience giving hugs covered in honey/sweat/hair, I thought to myself, "Please God, let it be me."
It was not to be. I was forsaken.
Yes, but did you happen to see the coup de grace? Pulling his shorts down, revealing his ample and fleshy buttocks, immediately ending my life.
AnonymousTwo
I write this email from beyond the grave. My only advice is Chris, quit being such a photography maniac so you can have ringing ears like me and Anonymous, go to the Saturday Coachella show for a second chance at a hug.
Ah yes, I am trying to repress the memory of his hairy plump ass. Thanks for ruining my day man.
Anonymous
I am buying tickets for Coachella. Sunday night will induce face melting. I saw MBV played at 132 db in LA. I want to re-live the 30 minutes of 132 db's. It was like staring at the face of God.
Did you buy a mixtape? I bought the old one, I wish I bought the newest one also.
PS. I hate the bald bouncer. He is always harshing on everyone's vibe.

Chris
Hah hah hah, clearly I should have blown off class and attended. But I was torn, I had received two concert invitations the same night. What's a girl to do?
A simple choice really, there was no other show of note last except the one we attended. Even the opener Miko Mika were great. I am a sucker for props, in this case a telephone microphone.
The city's purveyors of hipness were in full attendence, as evidenced by [Anonymous2] and I making an appearence. The Artfag and Skullcontrol people were also attending.

After much labor I turned in my first and second assignments. The 6x6 was very challenging and rather unfulfilling. Next up: portraits that tell a story. So, like, photojournalistic portraits or something.

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Comments:
Chris

Hah hah, I like that title. What is the set relationship between project scientist and postdoc? Subset?


Ahem ... that would be Project Scientist with an "A parking pass."